It's been a while since I posted anything...I will chalk that up to my hectic life. It could also have something to do with the fact that I have been reading the Hugner Games triliogy by Suzanne Collins...which I have to say is an AMAZING series. I am on the last book (going to start it a bit later). Anywho...
Life can be ridiculously crazy at every turn. Our life is anything but stable at the moment. I feel like it's all falling apart. We are super behind in bills. I am working, my husband is looking for work, life is tough. I'm not looking for pity, I know how bad the economy is right now. I sometimes just feel like I wish we could catch a break and for once be financially stable. It's like for every step forward we have to take five backward. When does it end? When does the arguing over finances end? I do not want to be rich (not that it wouldn't be nice), but I do want to not live paycheck to paycheck wondering when the eviction and shut off notices will come. I feel like we are robbing Peter to Paul and at any point the other shoe is going to drop and hell will break loose...more so than it is already. Our whole lives we go through just trying to get by...unless you win the lotto, are born into a wealthy family, or figure out a way to be seriously successful...what does that leave you? Mediocrity? DEBT...a huge mountain of it that no matter how hard you work to destroy the mountain it will never truly be gone. There will always be subtle little reminders of the financial mistakes you made. Bankruptcy is an option but isn't the greatest option. I want to be able to say I got out from under my debt the right way (paying the creditors)...but when we are barely making ends meat now, how does that work exactly? I don't leach off the government, rob banks, or involve myself in criminal activity...not that I couldn't do any one of those things, just that I choose to attempt to be a productive member of society and really work for everything I have. But honestly, where has that gotten me? Oh yea, that's right...FURTHER IN DEBT!! Here is the thing...I know that if my husband gets a job, even a part time one, our future will look a little better. I would love if he could get a full time job, but at this point I will take what we can get. What I would give for him to catch a break. I know what it would mean to him to be able to bring in money and help with the bills. His biggest negative is he has a criminal record and has not held a job since early 2000. But for the last 7 or so years he has been the homemaker, raising our son and taking care of the house. We just can't afford that anymore. I pray to God every night to give us a small miracle and we will do the rest.
I really want us to start going to church. I want our son to know about God and learn to be true to himself, and grow as an individual. Who knows maybe gaining more faith will help our marriage and our life in general. I do have a few friends who don't believe in God, but we respect each other's beliefs. Who am I to say things aren't real? Who am I to judge? Only God can judge me and my decisions.
Now that I have vented about financial contraints and all the stress that comes along with that...I am ready to move on and spend my evening relaxing.
Life Lesson #2: There is only one way to change your circumstances...Go forth and fight for the change you deserve, not necessarily the change you want! Be true to your beliefs and hold strong to your values. Do not stray or change them because of what others believe or may want you to believe. You are the writer of your own story...Go forth and LIVE!
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